The Real-Life Guide to Adult Friendships: How to Find, Keep & Reboot Your People

If we treated adult friendships with the same energy we pour into dating or career, most of us would feel less lonely and a lot more supported. On the podcast, I sat down with my friend Amy Allen Clark—creator of MomAdvice.com and host of The Book Gang Podcast—to talk books, community, and how our friendship muscles change over time. This post is our conversation—plus my best tips, Amy’s smartest ideas, and five friendship-forward book recommendations to add to your stack.

Why Adult Friendships Are the Underrated Love Story

Life gets louder—kids, jobs, moves, caregiving—and yet friendship is the thing that quietly holds us together. When I moved to the States, finding a friend group was priority #1. A local gym turned into brunch buddies, which turned into a women’s volunteer group. Those connections carried me through seasons when I didn’t feel like a “natural” at motherhood and needed someone to laugh/cry/text at 11:07 p.m.

What Amy & I’ve Learned (the real talk)

• Friendship changes—and that’s normal. As kids grow or jobs shift, you may see friends less often. The time you do get becomes richer because everyone is making a choice to show up.
• It’s okay if you didn’t feel “born for” a season. Friends can be scaffolding when you’re finding your footing.
• Small, consistent touches > grand gestures. Think voice notes, a “thinking of you” pic, or a quick check-in instead of waiting for the mythical free Saturday.

How to Reconnect with an Old Friend (Even If It’s Been Years)

We all went down our own tunnels—pandemic, burnout, life. Use that as your opening to reconnect. Try this simple script:

Text template: “I’ve been thinking about you. I went quiet during [season/pandemic/work chaos] and I miss our chats. Are you up for a coffee catch-up next week or the week after?”

Amy and I both swear by low-stakes coffee dates in neutral, comfy spots (hello, Panera booths). Expect to cackle like happy witches and forget the clock.

Tools that make it easy

• Marco Polo (Amy’s fave): video walkie-talkies you can reply to on your time.
• WhatsApp (my go-to): voice notes, quick pics, tiny videos—zero pressure.

How to Make New Friends as an Adult (Without the Awkward)

Think of it like “friendship dating”—you’re just looking for good conversation chemistry.

Start here

• Book clubs & libraries: Built-in conversation and the warmest people. Check your local branch, indie bookstores, or join an online club.
• Community orgs: Junior League, volunteer groups, neighborhood associations—people who care about the same things you do.
• Classes with repetition: Gyms, craft studios, language lessons. Repeated exposure turns “hey” into “coffee?”

For introverts or time-crunched folks

Pick one recurring thing per month. Consistency beats intensity.

When You’ve Outgrown a Friendship

Sometimes a friendship was perfect then but isn’t healthy now. That doesn’t erase the good. It’s okay to bless what was, close the chapter, and create space for connections that fit the life you’re building. If it feels like grief, that’s because it is—treat yourself gently.

Maintenance Mode: Keeping Adult Friendships Strong

• Adopt “asynchronous friendship.” Reply when you can, assume good intent, and celebrate the two-weeks-later response.
• Set easy rhythms: “Brunch every 2–3 months,” “standing walk the first Saturday,” or “quarterly FaceTime.”
• Micro-touches count: Send a meme, a 20-second voice note, or a photo from the bookstore. It all deposits into the relationship bank.

5 Book Recs About Friendship (Curated with Amy Allen Clark)

1. The Sunshine Girls by Molly Fader (Amazon or Bookshop)
2. Last Summer on State Street by Toya Wolfe (Amazon or Bookshop)
3. The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin (Amazon or Bookshop)
4. You Can Trust Me by Wendy Heard (Amazon or Bookshop)
5. The People We Keep by Allison Larkin (Amazon or Bookshop)

If you’re looking for even more stories, check out Amy’s list of “17 Stunning Friendship Stories to Read Now.”

Try-It-This-Week Challenge

• Send one voice note to an old friend.
• Pick one recurring thing (monthly book club, weekly walk).
• Jot three names for “coffee soon?” texts and send the first one today.

What is your current friendship status?

Do you have lifelong friends? Have you met any new friends recently? Have you gone through a friendship breakup? Read any great books about friends lately? Let’s talk all about it in the comments below.